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The latest version of my short story “Carousels” (working title) has gotten mixed reviews in my online workshop.  Those that read the earlier draft aren’t too impressed with the overall reconstruction.

The narrator from the first version was more charismatic, and I knew this when I recreated him.  I was going for emotionally detached in the second draft, which I apparently did very well.  Too well.  Critiques complained that they had no real reason to “like” the new narrator, while the old one had a certain charm.

On the other hand, the reviewers who didn’t read the first draft seemed to like the story.  Don’t get me wrong, they still had their complaints, but they definitely liked it more than the others.

The second draft of this piece was really a whole new story–I basically stole a few ideas from the original and created the second from “scratch”.  I didn’t really intend for readers to compare the the two versions, but I guess it makes sense that they would.  They had things to say that deserve consideration.

The feedback has been great and I’m excited to use it in shaping the next draft of this story.

P.S.  The narrator from the first story isn’t coming back … sorry folks.

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